Afraid...

Last week was my sixth time flying. Well, the first time i took an airplane was on 12th August as we flew here to Norway from Kenya. I remember as the plane took off and i held tightly to my seat as we rose 10,000 meters off the ground. You see the highest i had ever been in life was maybe climbing a tall tree at the back of our upcountry home or while on top of one of the skyscrapers in our capital city. I should add that whenever i was atop these skyscrapers i never really wanted to look down as i was afraid of falling. So now you know, i fear heights: something i am old is called acrophobia.

I realized as we flew to and from Ålesund my fear is slowly going but at quite a slow pace i must admit. I still fear flying and being in the air. I would any day prefer to travel on land by car or train than be in the air. Every time we were in the air and the plane would shake a bit maybe because of the weather and the clouds, i would feel a bit of fear running down my spine. 

It reminded me of my fear of being in large water bodies especially given my first near-drowning encounter during my first few weeks at Hald. We were out by the ocean relaxing near the beach. My friends were taking plunges into the water from a high point. They would go up this outpost and take a dive into the ocean below. It look fun and simple and i wanted to try but from the lowest point of the outpost. Remember that i do not know how to swim and except for once or twice i have tried it and failed. So i took a plunge in to the water. I tried coming up for air to no avail. I tried shouting and no voice was coming. I only remembered not to use my nose below the water so i breathed through the mouth. Finally, after some struggle one of the pals we were with came to my rescue and I almost swore to myself never to try swimming.

I am still afraid of many things even tonight as i write. In fact this very night, all the things i fear seem to be knocking at the doorstep. I feel afraid. In a new land away from home. Trying to settle. Not knowing even why I am here. Trying to learn a new language. Feeling insignificant. Yet in the midst of all these, I feel secure. Secure in a small promise tucked away in Isaiah 41:10. I read it and my heart is at rest. And this is what my God tells me:

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.