What next?

It's exactly two weeks since I arrived in Kenya. It was sad leaving all the people I knew behind at Hald, close friends I had come to consider family. It was painful to part, so painful that I cried. I never cry during times of saying goodbye but somehow this time I broke down especially looking into the eyes of some of my close friends. I remember how, after having hosted the final Hald dinner, it hit me hard that for some, if not most, we may never meet again on this side of heaven. Oh the reality of Celine Dion’s song, Goodbye's the saddest word I'll ever hear.  Deeply, painfully heartbreaking.

It took me a while to adjust. Many awkward moments followed. For instance, at one time, I was disturbed by the loud music in the bus; we call it ‘matatu’. I even wondered how people could handle that much noise. You should have seen the look on my face when the bus conductor asked for my bus fare. For ten months, I had gotten used to using a bus card. Luckily for me my brother was bailed me out by paying. Grace, my teammate, at one point even stretched her hand intending to push the stop button in order to tell the driver to stop but then we have no stop buttons here. That’s the entry culture shock.

I spent the first one week lost in thought staring into space thinking that I am dreaming to be back here. I have had a dream at least once every two days involving the moments at Hald International Centre. I had to take a weekend away with my caring brother and mother who helped me release all that was in my heart. Several talks with friends here and abroad have also been helpful. In order to help myself adjust, I have deliberately placed myself in the thick of the culture where I have no option but to adjust. It has helped a bit. I still find it a challenge to fully adjust though. I miss the moments and the people at Hald. I have changed, people have changed, the world around has changed. But we have to move on…

So what's next? I am presently searching for a job in accounting and finance even as I lay down plans to study masters. I have also narrowed my focus to two projects I will be pouring my heart to: The first involves establishing a community library in my hometown and the other involves providing support services to small and micro enterprises. Change involves boldly taking a step at a time you see. Keep it right here for updates soon on how we can partner in these two projects as we strive to make the world a better place. One last thing: And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream [Martin Luther King Jr.] 

Fired up, Ready to go!

This morning I was reading an article on re-entry title Reverse Culture shock and I came across this quote from Victor Hunter, an American who was reflecting on his last days in England:

“Today I must say goodbye. Goodbyes are important. Without a meaningful goodbye, an effective closure, there cannot be a creative hello, a new beginning and hopeful commencement… In saying goodbye to each other and to current ‘home,’ we are able to greet and affirm the new hope and anticipation. We affirmed the new journeys yet to be taken, as individuals and as a family.”

I paused and thought of my ten months’ journey in Norway that is coming to an end this next Wednesday evening. Wonderful memories flood my heart and soul. These ten months are full of definite highs and lows. There are days I felt like taking the next flight home and there are days I have wished more days can be added to my stay here. I thought of how I have changed, the friends I have made, the expectations back home, the difficulty of leaving a place I have called home, the anticipation of re-entry joys and challenges and what to do next after Hald. As I thought through all this and in spite of the fear within, I feel confident enough to say I am ready for the next challenge in life. I do not expect an easy re-entry but at the very least I am prepared.

If I were to summarize the last ten months in just one word, I would say transformative. Transformation like rain or tax has been inevitable for me. I look around at all the Hald students here, 80 plus from different countries, and I see changes in them. Most have had changes that seem to have almost permanently registered in their lives already. Changes abound in thought patterns, convictions, faith, world views, preferences, love and life. Yet one question remains even as we say goodbye in the next couple of days: Is the positive change sustainable in the long? We have to wait and see

Back to my quote above now. Sadly yet inevitably, it is time to say goodbye. Words fail me at such moments as these and as Celine Dion once sang, “Goodbye's the saddest word I'll ever hear…Someday you'll say that word and I will cry, it’ll break my heart to hear you say goodbye.” But this we must do if we are to move on to the next stage of life: I must leave. It is time to wrap up the transformative journey with a goodbye and as I do so, I feel a grin on my face, a broad smile on my cheeks and a sense of satisfaction in my heart as I look back on the ten months. I almost sense in my heart an echo of Paul’s words, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” 

I would not be completely honest if I do not include the fact that I also sense slight fear in my heart as look ahead. What does the future hold for me? I do not know but one thing I do know for sure is that I feel like I am on the edge of a precipice ready to jump off on the next adventure. Goodbye Norway and I will never forget. Fired up and ready to go!